Guidance to Grow Vilomah - The loss of a child

Vilomah - The loss of a child

There is a term for most bereaved people. For those who have lost a husband, the word widow. For those who have lost a wife, the word widower. For those that have lost parents, the word orphan.

There seems to be no word for a parent who has experienced the death of a child, but the closest would be Vilomah. Vilomah is a Sanskrit word that literally means, "against a natural order." A child should never die before their parents and there is some sort of tiny comfort in knowing that there is a word for parents to identify with.

Through this podcast series, Jeanne van den Bergh, social worker in private practice and life coach who specialises in trauma and bereavement counselling, aims to offer guidance and support to parents who have a lost a child.
Monthly English South Africa Kids & Family
26 Episodes
1 – 20

The last episode and my goodbye

Dear Vilomah Community, With a heart full of gratitude and reflection, I share some significant changes in my life and what they mean for our beloved podcast, Vilomah. Since 2021, I have had the honour of walking alongside you, sharing stories, advice, and comfort as we navigate the heart-wrenching journey…
2 Aug 6 min

How to Cope with New Year After Losing a Child

The New Year is about hope and new beginnings, but for a parent who's lost a child, it's really tough. Celebrating anything feels wrong when your child isn't there. New Year's is usually a time for family and friends, but there's this big empty space without your child. In this…
17 Dec 2023 7 min

How to Cope With Grief at Christmas

Navigating the holiday season following the loss of a child can seem like an overwhelming challenge. The pressure to feel joyful during Christmas, or any similar occasion, often intensifies the sense of sorrow. So, what's the approach for managing Christmas in the absence of your child? Although it's impossible to…
17 Dec 2023 6 min

Navigating conversations about death

People have varied relationships with death, shaped by personal experiences and cultural backgrounds. Despite our differences, there is a universal truth that death is an inevitable part of life, and losing loved ones is a shared experience. When there has been a loss, it is important to discuss death within…
7 Dec 2023 7 min

Don't forget my child

In the pain of losing a child, a profound fear many bereaved parents share is that their child will be forgotten. While society freely celebrates children's milestones, bereaved parents often face silence or even disdain when they remember their lost child. Yet, every child, whether they lived moments or decades,…
10 Oct 2023 5 min

Reflections on how my life changed after the death of my child

The experience of losing a child is an unparalleled loss, frequently misconstrued by most. If you care for a grieving parent or have a connection with one, always keep in mind that even their so-called "better" days are more challenging than one could possibly grasp. Rather than offering advice, what's…
26 Aug 2023 7 min

Reflections on the First Days and Weeks After My Child Died

Losing a child is an indescribable tragedy that inflicts profound emotional and psychological pain upon parents. In the weeks following the death of their child, parents often experience a range of intense emotions and face numerous challenges as they navigate through their grief. In this deeply moving episode, Jeanne van…
3 Jul 2023 8 min

The benefits of journaling through your grief journey

Grief is an inescapable part of life. As human beings, we possess deep, complex, multi-faceted emotions, and it’s our responsibility to learn how we individually need to process those emotions. If you are facing a season of grief keeping a grief journal might be the answer to helping you cope…
18 May 2023 5 min

The death of a child: Guilt and blame as part of the grieving process

The death of a child of any age is a profound, difficult, and painful experience. Crying, sorrow, and anger are common emotions when dealing with death. The most obvious impact on parents is the impact of the ongoing grief and sadness of their child not being here. How do you…
2 Feb 2023 6 min

How psychological trauma impacts the body

One of the most surprising things about emotional trauma is how hard it can hit even the most stoic and grounded people. Physical injuries can cause a lot of pain and discomfort, but they can be measured and are to be expected after something terrible and unexpected, like a car…
6 Dec 2022 8 min

My child has died and I struggle so much. When will it get better?

No parent is prepared for a child's death. Parents are simply not supposed to outlive their children. It is important to remember that how long your child lived does not determine the size of your loss. The loss of a child is profound at every age. You may find that…
18 Oct 2022 7 min

How Positive Affirmations Can Help The Grieving Process

Losing a loved one is one of the most significant and stressful life events that all humans must experience. Navigating grief will be different for each person but it can be really helpful to validate the sadness before trying to move through it. Affirmations are a helpful tool for dealing…
25 Jun 2022 10 min

The importance of talking about death

We all have different relationships with death, shaped by our personal experiences, religious or spiritual beliefs, culture, family history and current life circumstances. The one thing we all have in common is that dying and death will be a significant part of our lives. The simple fact is that we’re…
3 May 2022 9 min

How Do We Pack Up Our Child’s Belongings?

Our child’s belongings feel sacred. Letting go of them is unbearably painful. Instead, we become guardians of their possessions. We look after them as if our lives depended on it. No matter your child’s age, at some point you may well have to make this impossibly hard decision: what do…
27 Feb 2022 18 min

10 things I have learned since my child died

The relationship between a mother and her children is among the most intense in life. Much of parenting centers on providing and doing for children, even after they have grown up and left home. A child’s death robs you of the ability to carry out your parenting role as you…
11 Jan 2022 15 min

My journey with grief

The loss of children is a pain all bereaved parents share, and it is a degree of suffering that is impossible to grasp without experiencing it first-hand. An out-of-order death such as child loss breaks a person (especially a parent) in a way that is not fixable or solvable. We…
28 Oct 2021 22 min

Coping with pregnancy loss part 2 - Abortion

The decision to terminate a pregnancy can be complex and may be influenced by many factors, including a woman’s values, beliefs, relationships, work and study goals, financial stability, age, existing family size and cultural background.   It is very common for women to have mixed emotions at the same time…
22 Aug 2021 21 min

Coping with pregnancy loss part 1 - Miscarriage

Miscarriage is common, but that knowledge may be cold comfort if you’re coping with a recent loss. In fact, many women are surprised by the intensity of their emotions after a miscarriage. The feelings can run from shock and sadness to irrational guilt and anxiety about future pregnancies. Men, too,…
22 Aug 2021 29 min

How to support a parent dealing with unsuccessful grief

When someone you love can’t get past their grief, you may feel helpless, confused, and frustrated. Witnessing someone you love experience unsuccessful grief can be deeply troubling. You may feel confused about why they are stuck in their loss and unsure about how to support them when the normal rules…
27 May 2021 13 min

Dealing with unsuccessful grief

Grief reactions after the death of a child are similar to those after other losses. But, they are often more intense and last longer. Most people experiencing normal grief and bereavement have a period of sorrow, numbness, and even guilt and anger. Gradually these feelings ease, and it's possible to…
27 May 2021 14 min
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