The Gareth Cliff Show

The Apex Ass

28.08.20 Pt 1 - The lockdown had practical uses within the stakeholder community. The apex of Assology is taking two anuses and reducing them to one. Dating James Dalton might be the 3rd degree of romance. Support small businesses - they need you, be a good oke and okess!

28 Aug 2020 12AM 55 min

To win the race, play this card

27.08.20 Pt 2 - Donald is rolling out his Trump card for the 2020 election campaign. Sometimes in life, you just need to be the best of the worst to win... it's not that hard. Is it possible to cancel, cancel culture? Are South Africans innately geared to problem solving?

27 Aug 2020 1AM 54 min

Close the garage door, I'm married!

27.08.20 Pt 1 - If someone leaves your life for two weeks and they say they have big news... it's marriage, not a baby. Garage doors lead to marriage proposals. If you aren't honest, isn't it tiring? America's President wants his contemporaries to be drug tested, what a year 2020…

27 Aug 2020 12AM 55 min

How to find those missing car keys

26.08.20 Pt 1 - It's not great if you choke on your own saliva and nearly croak, but at least it'll help you find your keys. If your life is too boring, your dreams need to be thrilling. Sias du Plessis joins us to discuss being the most famous ginger…

26 Aug 2020 1AM 58 min

Gord today, Stormtrooper tomorrow

26.08.20 Pt 1 - Sometimes it's important to know whether you would rather be killed by a crocodile or a bear, these are the important questions. Why do sportsmen all sound the same in interviews? Was Stonehenge the KFC of its time? Thai or tie, which is it - and…

26 Aug 2020 12AM 50 min

The 5c Coin Bird & Satan

25.08.20 Pt 2 - If people use long words, are you impressed or do you think they should go to hell with their private school English? Here's the beginning of every great joke... there's a wax candle, a blue crane and a naked man in the veld! If you are…

25 Aug 2020 1AM 54 min

Do witches fold fitted sheets?

25.08.20 Pt 1 - If you have a good woman, keep her alive... it turns out their death is your death. If you are above the age of 15, surely you should know the difference between a fitted sheet and a flat sheet? If you want to know about the…

25 Aug 2020 12AM 52 min

Doreen Morris wrote the book of Genesis

24.08.20 Pt 2 - No matter how tough times get, stay away from mashonisas... they take an arm, a leg, and your liver with their gargantuan interest rates. Doreen Morris is possibly older than Mary Magdalene, and wasn't featured in the bible, but hopefully she gets her own avatar in…

24 Aug 2020 1AM 55 min

Marry for money... pillaging can be funny

24.08.20 Pt 1 - Unless it's a metaphor for catastrophic ends to relationships, nobody cares about sinkholes after seeing 4 of them. Should morning breath and bed farts be the highlight of relationships? One divorce is a given, accept that - the second marriage is for love, the first one…

24 Aug 2020 12AM 48 min

The Face you Deserve

21.08.20 Pt 2 - After the age of 45 you don't age, you get the face you deserve... should've used sunscreen at 20 Susan. 2020 has been consistent - horrible, but consistent. If you want to waste your best years, marry young. Crime is a talent, shout out to Shmuley…

21 Aug 2020 1AM 1 hour

The name's Pause... Menopause

21.08.20 Pt 1 - Durban is a tropical paradise, snow would bring heart failure to the surfers. The Kalvaris measure wellness by being the best of a mediocre bunch. Anti-semitism is not worth your child's university fees. Menopause should be meno-off. A gay uncle brings a 4th dimension to your…

21 Aug 2020 12AM 51 min

Prison beards online

20.08.20 Pt 2 - Alright, let's get this straight... just be nice and we'll vote for you. How wild is it that the USA's potential Vice-President was a weed smoking legal practitioner not so long ago? If you are going to be on an online call... unmute your mic, it's…

20 Aug 2020 1AM 51 min

Putin the vaccine in your veins

20.08.20 Pt 1 - If your ex-wife is asking for money and you had a R267 million upgrade on your house, which she lived in, it's probably a good thing you are divorced. Cardi B and her home boy Joe Biden are about "dat political life ya'll!" Covid is dead…

20 Aug 2020 12AM 52 min

Children... the ultimate Depreciating Asset

19.08.20 Pt 2 - The honest truth is that children are very rarely a good investment if you are looking for any sort of ROI. Who's the disaster in your family, be honest it's you isn't it, yes you in the mirror! If your lady bits have WAP tendencies, what…

19 Aug 2020 1AM 56 min

WAP Ladies need a Plumber

19.08.20 Pt 1 - If you are a Virgo, are you better at harvesting 'night energy' by closing your eyes for 8 hours or so... if only we had five letters to describe that process? Do we need to cater for luddites on Zoom? Tracy Chapman says "forgive me" -…

19 Aug 2020 12AM 53 min

Woohoo in Wuhan!

18.08.20 Pt 2 - They're going woohoo in Wuhan, how do we feel about this? Please don't shame your work colleagues who have let themselves go in lockdown... rather ring a shame bell - it's the right level of cruelty without being a monster. The lead singer's girlfriend is not…

18 Aug 2020 1AM 49 min

He lived & he is dead

18.08.20 Pt 1 - Fellow South Africans, not to worry, NDZ didn't do anything. She was a victim of 'the machine', plus she was married to Jacob - so there's that. Should you be shallow or do people's personalities mean anything in the year of our lord, Instagram 2020. If…

18 Aug 2020 12AM 52 min

Be Tender on Tinder

17.08.20 Pt 2 - William and his wife might run out of money soon, how will a poor Prince live? Are pandemics a hotspot for Tinder trolls? Education pays, they say, NSFAS in particular. If you are going to travel, don't take a boat to Greece, they're not taking visitors…

17 Aug 2020 1AM 52 min

Graceful nipples

17.08.20 Pt 1 - Should we ban the booze benders in South Africa? What do you do if your neighbour's nipples are on display for all to see, like Grace Kelly in Rear Window? Politicians wouldn't dick around if they had less room for corruption. Lockdown friends are best if…

17 Aug 2020 12AM 58 min

Dlamini the Drunkard Downer

14.08.20 Pt 2 - Level 2 is on the way, but it comes with a few creases. If we're going to be out in public, maybe dancing girls in nightclubs have the solution. Is there anything as cold as a whore's heart? Only methheads don't answer calls... put the pipe…

14 Aug 2020 1AM 59 min