Stuck in a cycle of breakups and makeups? Here’s why…

Loading player...
We've all been in a relationship that just can't seem to make up its mind.

One day you're together, the next day you're broken up, and a week later you're back on again.

While this cycle of breakups and makeups can be exhausting, it's actually more common than you might think.

According to research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, a whopping 37% of cohabiting couples and 23% of married couples have experienced a breakup and then gotten back together with their current partner. That's a lot of people stuck in a cycle of uncertainty!

So why does this happen and what are the consequences of being in an on-again, off-again relationship?

The same research suggests that couples who experience breakups and makeup during the dating phase are more likely to continue this pattern into cohabitation and even marriage.

It’s not just a matter of "oh, we're just figuring things out". The reality is that on-again, off-again relationships are often marked by lower quality and more uncertainty.

In fact, couples who have experienced breakups and makeup report being less satisfied in their relationships and having more uncertainty about their future together.

What can you do if you're stuck in an on-again, off-again relationship?

According to Psychology Today, you can start by taking a step back and evaluating your relationship. Are you truly happy, or are you just holding on because it's comfortable or familiar?

Next, consider seeking support from a therapist or counsellor who can help you and your partner work through your issues and develop healthier communication patterns.

Finally, remember that it's okay to walk away if the relationship is no longer serving you.

It's better to be single and happy than stuck in a cycle of breakups and makeups.
26 Feb 2025 English South Africa Society & Culture · Personal Journals

Other recent episodes

Have you outgrown your friends?

Palesa dropped one of those confessions that will have you stopping to think about your own life. She loves her friends, has real history with them and would not trade those memories for anything. But something has shifted and she just cannot unfeel it. The conversations, the energy, the mindset,…
14 May 5 min

Would you risk your life to stop a crime?

South Africa's crime rate means most of us have either seen something go down or know someone who has. Stacey and J Sbu put the question to KZN: if a crime happened right in front of you today, would you step in or would you stay back? Some say intervening…
19 May 7 min

Social media: Should parents be allowed to post their kids?

In the age of Instagram, Facebook and TikTok, sharing milestones of your children online has become as natural as breathing for most South African parents. But here is the thing. South Africa's POPI Act exists specifically to protect personal information and a child's image is personal information. Yet millions of…
12 May 10 min

A strong confessor gets vulnerable...

Once a week, on a Thursday, Stacey and J Sbu get into other people's lives. This week we’ve got anonymous from Hillcrest, who is feeling a bit emotional about their home situation. Here's what they had to say: “I’m the strong one in my family, the one everyone depends on…
7 May 7 min

Jashmir joins J Sbu to chat about his win at the Africa Golden Awards

South African DJ and producer Jashmir has won the Most Promising Artist award at the prestigious Africa Golden Awards held in Kenya. Jashmir is known for a signature fusion sound including Gqom, electronic music and eastern influences. We’re all about supporting local and shining a spotlight on our brothers and…
7 May 6 min