The Mauling News (Archive)
An irreverent look at the news (not) making headlines!
History was made
Durban weather history was made. We were able to complete an entire game of cricket without weather interruptions. No storms, no rain and no Gayle. We played, we won, but for the record... There was no Gayle. Mauling News reports
National blackout
Eskom has ruled out the possibility of a national blackout. Hard to tell with their on again off again policy. Mauling News reports
Consequences of cheating
The Dept of Basic Education has said that matric pupils caught cheating will face a 3 year ban, or as we used to call it, a gap year. Mauling News reports
ANC 103rd birthday celebrations
Bobby Mugabe has sent his congratulations to the ANC on their 103rd birthday celebrations. He also said he could get more people to come to his 103rd birthday which is coming up soon.
Celebrity New Year's Resolutions
It's that time of year again when we start thinking of our New Years Resolutions. Consider these celebrity resolutions before you commit to one that will invariably fail by February. Like; losing weight or quitting a bad habit or making amends. Consider these…
Ellen Tshabalala declares Kim Kardashian as her inspiration
Disgraced and now retired SABC chair person Ellen Tshabalala declares Kim Kardashian as her inspiration. You know, the other woman with no skills, no talent and no qualifications who made a fortune for doing nothing.
In Formula1
The police have confirmed that around 20 of the stolen Red Bull trophies have been found at the bottom of a lake. They just sank… red bull… didn’t give them wings. Mauling News reports
Helen Zille sends birthday wishes to a crocodile
Henry, the Nile crocodile who was born in 1900 & has survived two world wars, turned 114 years old yesterday. Helen Zille sent her birthday wishes and remembers fondly the day Henry was born.
A message from Eskom
Eskom has said that there wont be anymore blackouts this festive season, well, wont be a lot, well there might be but Eskom sent out this Xmas message to all SA’s. Click here to hear the message.
Load shedding schedule run by a husband and wife
There will be no load shedding... Yes there will. No load shedding today. Wait we are already load shedding. Load shedding will end tonight, maybe tomorrow definitely next year.
Fraudulent Qualification
Ellen Tshabalala lied about her qualifications and now is attempting to use the law to protect herself! Lying about your qualifications is fraud, which is a crime in my mind! Mauling News reports
Sniffer dog accidentally inhaled cocaine
A sniffer dog has returned to duty after accidentally inhaling cocaine while searching a car for drugs. He returns to active duty today... not as a police dog though but on snow patrol! Mauling News reports
Generations is back
Nobody replied to my mails or answered my calls for an hour after 8 last night. I thought it was load shedding but it emerged that Generations is back.
Did you know
Singing exercises your heart, lungs and releases endorphins, making you feel good. Mauling News reports more on this finding.
Don't go there
Why you should NOT go to Madagascar - Mauling News reports.
One direction have made billboard history
Breaking News: An ancient Egyptian spell book from 1300 years ago has been translated! Mauling News reports.
Post offices three month strike has come to an end
The South African post offices three month strike has come to an end - voices nation wide echoed the same sentiment: The post office was on strike? Didn't even know.
Jannie Du Plessis is to miss Wales clash
Rugby: Sharks and Springbok prop Jannie Du Plessis is to miss the match with Wales do to hamstring injury. Some of Whales had this to say... Find out in today's Mauling News
When it rains it pours
U2's front man Bono suffers serious injuries in a bicycle accident in New York. He could claim from Heath insurgence because His ID was in his lost luggage. Authorities said; they still haven't found what they're looking for.
In memory of...
This Mauling news is dedicated in memory to the late great film director Mike Nicols