Dr Amaleya Goneos-Malka had an interview with Dr. Ilze van der Merwe
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This week on Womanity – Women in Unity, Dr Amaleya Goneos-Malka is in conversation with Dr. Ilze van der Merwe, a counselling psychologist based in Cape Town, South Africa. As the head of a multidisciplinary private practice, Dr. van der Merwe works across psychological, therapeutic, and forensic fields, specializing in family mediation, parent coordination, and mental health interventions. Our conversation explores the complexities of relationships, the emotional impact of divorce, gender differences in conflict resolution, and strategies for emotional resilience and empowerment.
🔹 The Role of a Counselling Psychologist
Dr. van der Merwe begins by distinguishing the field of counselling psychology from clinical psychology. While clinical psychologists often work in institutional settings dealing with severe pathologies, counselling psychologists primarily focus on outpatient care, helping individuals navigate life’s challenges, including career struggles, relationship difficulties, depression, and anxiety. Her approach emphasizes diagnosis, intervention, and treatment planning to alleviate psychological distress.
🔹 Building a Multidisciplinary Practice
At her practice, Dr. van der Merwe offers a broad spectrum of services. She highlights her specialization in mood disorders, particularly depression and anxiety, which have become increasingly prevalent due to societal and environmental stressors. She also works extensively with couples, helping them navigate relationship distress. Additionally, her forensic work within family law involves conducting care and contact assessments for high-conflict divorces, ensuring that the best interests of children are prioritized.
🔹 Navigating Conflict Resolution and Gender Differences
One of the most insightful parts of the conversation explores how men and women approach conflict differently. Traditional gender roles often shape negotiation styles, and women in high-conflict divorces sometimes struggle with asserting their needs. Dr. van der Merwe underscores the importance of mediators in creating a balanced environment where both parties are given the space to express themselves fairly.
🔹 The Psychological Toll of Divorce
Divorce is not just a legal process—it’s an emotional journey. Dr. van der Merwe emphasizes that healing takes time, and women leaving disempowering relationships often face fears of loneliness, financial insecurity, and self-doubt. The loss of identity post-divorce can be exacerbated by societal norms that marginalize divorced women. She offers strategies to rebuild confidence and emotional resilience, encouraging women to see divorce as a transition rather than a failure.
🔹 The Legal System and Custody Battles
Women in custody disputes often face significant economic and emotional challenges. Dr. van der Merwe sheds light on financial abuse and the ongoing struggles women face in securing legal representation. While the legal system has made strides in ensuring gender equity—through maintenance enforcement and domestic violence protections—there are still gaps in implementation. She stresses the need for stronger legal support and resources to help women navigate these battles.
🔹 Protecting Yourself Before Marriage
With the benefit of hindsight, many women realize the importance of financial and legal preparation before entering into marriage. Dr. van der Merwe advises women to consider prenuptial agreements as tools of empowerment, ensuring financial security and autonomy. She notes that resistance to these contracts often stems from emotional discomfort, but framing them as practical and protective measures can help shift perceptions.
🔹 The Myth of Work-Life Balance
Many women feel pressure to “have it all,” balancing career ambitions with family responsibilities. Dr. van der Merwe acknowledges that true balance is elusive, advocating instead for prioritization and delegation. She highlights the need to say “no” more often, set boundaries, and recognize that
🔹 The Role of a Counselling Psychologist
Dr. van der Merwe begins by distinguishing the field of counselling psychology from clinical psychology. While clinical psychologists often work in institutional settings dealing with severe pathologies, counselling psychologists primarily focus on outpatient care, helping individuals navigate life’s challenges, including career struggles, relationship difficulties, depression, and anxiety. Her approach emphasizes diagnosis, intervention, and treatment planning to alleviate psychological distress.
🔹 Building a Multidisciplinary Practice
At her practice, Dr. van der Merwe offers a broad spectrum of services. She highlights her specialization in mood disorders, particularly depression and anxiety, which have become increasingly prevalent due to societal and environmental stressors. She also works extensively with couples, helping them navigate relationship distress. Additionally, her forensic work within family law involves conducting care and contact assessments for high-conflict divorces, ensuring that the best interests of children are prioritized.
🔹 Navigating Conflict Resolution and Gender Differences
One of the most insightful parts of the conversation explores how men and women approach conflict differently. Traditional gender roles often shape negotiation styles, and women in high-conflict divorces sometimes struggle with asserting their needs. Dr. van der Merwe underscores the importance of mediators in creating a balanced environment where both parties are given the space to express themselves fairly.
🔹 The Psychological Toll of Divorce
Divorce is not just a legal process—it’s an emotional journey. Dr. van der Merwe emphasizes that healing takes time, and women leaving disempowering relationships often face fears of loneliness, financial insecurity, and self-doubt. The loss of identity post-divorce can be exacerbated by societal norms that marginalize divorced women. She offers strategies to rebuild confidence and emotional resilience, encouraging women to see divorce as a transition rather than a failure.
🔹 The Legal System and Custody Battles
Women in custody disputes often face significant economic and emotional challenges. Dr. van der Merwe sheds light on financial abuse and the ongoing struggles women face in securing legal representation. While the legal system has made strides in ensuring gender equity—through maintenance enforcement and domestic violence protections—there are still gaps in implementation. She stresses the need for stronger legal support and resources to help women navigate these battles.
🔹 Protecting Yourself Before Marriage
With the benefit of hindsight, many women realize the importance of financial and legal preparation before entering into marriage. Dr. van der Merwe advises women to consider prenuptial agreements as tools of empowerment, ensuring financial security and autonomy. She notes that resistance to these contracts often stems from emotional discomfort, but framing them as practical and protective measures can help shift perceptions.
🔹 The Myth of Work-Life Balance
Many women feel pressure to “have it all,” balancing career ambitions with family responsibilities. Dr. van der Merwe acknowledges that true balance is elusive, advocating instead for prioritization and delegation. She highlights the need to say “no” more often, set boundaries, and recognize that