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16
APR

What is Down Syndrome?

In every cell in the human body there is a nucleus, where genetic material is stored in genes. Genes carry the codes responsible for all of our inherited traits and are grouped along rod-like structures called chromosomes. Typically, the nucleus of each cell contains 23 pairs of chromosomes, half of which are inherited from each parent. Down syndrome occurs when an individual has a full or partial extra copy of chromosome 21. This additional genetic material alters the course of development and causes the characteristics associated with Down syndrome. A few of the common physical traits of Down syndrome are low muscle tone, small stature, an upward slant to the eyes, and a single deep crease across the center of the palm – although each person with Down syndrome is a unique individual and may possess these characteristics to different degrees, or not at all.
04
DEC
2017

Asitsetsi Siyalungisa (Make Pule) - Stress and Anger Management

Anger, man's natural and healthy reaction to stress, is increasingly being acted on with physical violence, even though we are wealthier, take more holidays and generally lead more comfortable lives. Many theorists put this down to the fast pace of life. If anger isn't managed successfully it can have a detrimental effect on our personal relationships, our self esteem and our opportunities in life. Tips to help control anger 1. Take time out Don't react immediately to a situation, count to 10 or step away from the situation or individual that is upsetting you, this helps to dilute the anger. time out could mean taking a brisk walk or simply leaving the room. 2. Role reversal This simply means you put yourself in the other persons place. Think about what you would do and how you would feel in their situation. This strategy helps you gain a different perspective other than your own in this situation that has caused you feelings of anger or frustration. 3. The 3 step way of dealing with a situation. A way of dealing with an individual who has made you angry or upset is a 3 step approach. The Event When you have calmed down, sufficiently, briefly convey to the individual the incident that is causing the problem, you may need to write this down. Your Feelings Tell the individual how you feel about the situation using 'I' messages, you need to use 'I' messages to show that you take responsibility for your feelings, they belong to you. If you use 'You' messages it will appear that you are blaming them and the individual may become angry. Your Needs Explain what you need from them in order to help you both resolve the situation. This opens it up for discussion and hopefully resolution, all done in a calm way, if possible. 4. A usefully management skill is changing the conversation in your head. Your inner conversation, if negative and aggressive has a major impact on your anger. If you learn to control and change the thoughts that pop in you head
28
NOV
2017

ASITSETSI SIYALUNGISA (MAKE PULE) - THINGS THAT CAUSE FIGHTS

Marriage Arguments: Fighting About Little Things Can Mean a Lot Arguments about small things are a signal that it's time to find the big issues and firmly, but lovingly put an end to them. When I was working on my degree in clinical psychology, I lived in a small apartment with paper thin walls in Vista, California. The neighbors who lived on the west side of my apartment were a young couple in their twenties. To say that their relationship had problems is like saying if you fall into Niagara Falls you will get a little wet. Their marriage arguments were hard to drown out with my TV. When they were mad at each other, there was constant shouting and when they were very mad with each other, there was complete silence. Being their neighbor rather than their counselor, I found myself hoping they would be very mad at each other so that I could have some peace and quiet in my own apartment. The interesting thing was that when they were shouting at each other, they were always blaming each other for things that did not seem to be very important. In the time it takes to drive to the store and buy a whole cart load of groceries, the husband could repeatedly blame his wife for forgetting to buy the milk and always forgetting things, while the wife could spend the entire time blaming her husband for always expecting her to be a mind reader. Why would a couple spend so much time blaming each other for small things? It certainly wasn't helping their relationship and it wasn't really fixing their problems. I got the answer one day when I noticed that a woman would sometimes visit their apartment while the wife was working. The husband's routine with this "guest" seemed quite different from that with his wife and from the sound of things, they had quite a good time. Sometimes fighting about things creates an emotional distance that people actually want. It is very hard for the average human being to cheat on someone he has a good relationship with. But if the rela
www.relationship-coach.org
20
NOV
2017

ASITSETSI SIYALUNGISA (MAKE PULE) - LOVE AND MARRIAGE

Understanding what love is and how it grows in a marriage Many of us have grown up dreaming of the wonderful feelings of romantic love and wait expectantly to fall in love. Movies and love songs have a way of stirring up that longing in us. People in love seem so joyful and alive and we yearn for that in our lives too. Those of us who are in relationships or marriages for a couple of years now, do have partners or spouses in our lives that we love and care for deeply. So where are those magical heady feelings of love? That’s the first shocker – contrary to all the stories we’ve seen – love is not just a feeling. What is love? Many of us mistake love to be only a feeling. Let’s take a moment to think about our own experience of feelings. We’ve all experienced feelings of attraction – these feelings go up and down – here one moment, gone the next! Which can be confusing and painful. If we confuse love with a feeling, we may find ourselves asking questions such as: “How could I love someone I didn’t really know so well?” “I love and care about my partner so much, how come I don’t feel that kind of excitement around him / her anymore?” “Is this love?” “Have we fallen out of love?” The questions are many and the answers can be scary so at times we attempt to shut out these thoughts. But even if we do that, there could remain a sense of lingering sadness – of something missing. What is missing perhaps is an accurate understanding of what love is. Clearly, feelings are transient and so love would have to be more than a feeling. Love has been described by psychologists and writers as a decision, a choice or actions. According to social psychology, love is a combination of emotions, cognitions and behaviours. To understand what love is better, let’s look at real life as opposed to the fairy tale. Understanding the difference between passionate and companionate love We often get together with our partners when we ‘feel love’ or ‘fall in love’. The experience of ‘fa
talkitover.in
06
NOV
2017

Asitsetsi Siyalungisa (Make Pule) - Sexual Dysfunction and Marriage

Sexual Dysfunction and Marriage: My Journey For some of us, there is no amount of self-love or body-positive work that will inspire passion and sexual tension in our partners. For many of us, our partners simply don’t find touching our bodies desirable and aren’t capable of manufacturing that sensation. It’s not about us, though it unquestionably has a huge impact on us. Dressing provocatively, engaging in self-affirmations, living loud and proud, knowing we are sexual and desirable beings – sometimes those things don’t change the fact that our partners simply can’t generate sexual interest, desire, or physical companionship. Knowing that can be incredibly hard on self-esteem and on a whole host of relationships – including relationships with our partner and with the people who give advice but who don’t fully understand the realities of living with and loving a person with intimacy issues. Good relationships, no matter how well partnered people are, have challenges. For some, it’s about fidelity; for others, it’s about money or children. For some of us, it’s about two people who genuinely want to have intimacy, but one partner simply can’t. For both people, that fact can create heartbreak and a sense of failure, which can lead to isolation, anger, and crisis. For me, it’s been a decade of learning – learning how to cope, how to find compassion within myself, how to build a new framework for self-acceptance and change the paradigm of what a successful marriage looks like. I married someone who was a good match for my appetites but, because of medical emergencies and life-saving medicines, my husband lost that part of himself. I’m not talking about dysfunction alone; I’m speaking of the loss of intimacy and desire. I’m not sharing a struggle that can be overcome. I’m trying to put it out there that some aspects of life and love aren’t fixable – and that, for me, leaving or divorce is nowhere near the answer. In my situation, my marriage is good and strong, and the
thebodyisnotanapology.com
31
OCT
2017

ASITSETSI SIYALUNGISA (MAKE PULE) - Loneliness in Marriage

Loneliness In Marriage Many of my clients discuss a feeling of loneliness within their marriages. Often their spouses look at them with confusion or contempt, asking how it’s possible to feel alone when they are in fact, in the same house or even room with them a great deal of the time. I’ve written this article for those who have difficulty telling their spouses, their therapists, or even articulating for themselves why they feel lonely even though they are married. This other article, Mr. and Mrs. Just Not Feeling It, Or The Divorced in Spirit may also be helpful in explaining how you feel as well. When you feel lonely within your marriage, you don’t feel like you’re part of anything bigger than yourself. You feel alone, and there is no “we,” only you and your spouse, completely separate entities. You may seem to be a happy couple to others (or you may not), and you may be able to keep a united front for the kids (or you may not). Either way, when it is just you and your spouse talking to one another, you don’t feel close or connected, and you don’t feel secure and safe. You realize that you and your spouse are worlds apart on some basic values, which frightens you and makes you wonder why you married them at all. Your spouse seems to say the wrong thing at the wrong time all the time, and you wonder if this was always the case and you were too young or stupid or infatuated to notice. You feel like your spouse doesn’t pay attention to you. Compliments are few and far between, and not about things that you yourself are proud of. You feel that your spouse wouldn’t be able to answer basic questions about what’s important to you or what you feel or think on a daily basis. You personally have very little idea what they think about all day either. You have tried to ask and the conversations seem to go nowhere, with your spouse seeming confused and annoyed, wondering what you want.
loneliness-within-marriage

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